Thursday, 24 November 2011

He is going

Gordon from the Crown Plaza Hotel helping my father walked

Besides learning to overcome obstacles like HD camera's availability while developing this project, I also have to watch my 78 year old beloved father deteriorating physically.  Several years of depression has led to Parkinson like syndrome, he is now unable to walk properly. And I know why.
My heart cries at every step he takes when he drags his feet. His cerebellum is unable to tell him to lift them up when he walks.
And he used to walk with dignity.

I am sure deep down in his heart, he feels ashamed of himself. A Tai -chi master who founded the 'Balanced Tai Chi' is now unable to walk properly without help?  My poor father!
He was running faster than me at the park behind my house when he was 70!

My father who didn't say a word all night sang the birthday song to me in English.
Is he conscious about what he is doing? Ah Ba!!!!!!!

The other day when I came home, he was sitting on the lazy chair staring at the ceiling. His sunkun cheeks hollowed out his face, he looked like a skull with two blank eyes. I called out to him, "Ah Ba, I am home."

Silence. He didn't move his head nor his eyes in reponse to my voice. He was oblivious to the surrounding.

He was gone.

As I walked past him, he murmured to himself, "zi hooi ge jiu mo zhe (just die and there will be no problem)."

Anger and deep sorrow filled me as I walked into my bedroom.
Why? God? Why? He was such a good and kind man who helped many. Why does he have to go in this pathetic way?
The room was wraped in silence.
I took a long cold shower.
I said to the bathroom, "Ah Ba, this project I am doing is for you because you believed in me all my life when few people did."

No comments:

Post a Comment