Opening Our Minds

 

‘Transgender’ is still considered to be a taboo word here in Malaysia; it is a word that some people here do not even WANT to try to understand. Ideals and beliefs are still very conservative and people want to keep it that way, which makes it very hard for transgenders.

I am a very open person who is accepting of other people’s choices and I do not treat anyone differently because of their decisions.  Raised in the West, I was taught to be more open and understanding of others.  However, this is not necessary true for all places. For example, in the Northeast and the West of the United States including New York and California, they are more open while in states like Alabama, Mississippi, and Texas, people are more reserved about topics like this. Wherever you are in the world, ‘transgender’ seems to be a topic that most people don’t want to discuss and I don’t see why not.

            Every time I tell friends that I have gone out the night before with some friends for dinner and dancing, one always ask me whether I have met any transgender. My answer is, “who cares?”

Yes,  Southeast Asia is known for women who are ridiculously pretty and too perfectly ‘woman’, so many people assume that they are men who have had cosmetic surgeries.  Even if these pretty  ‘women’ are transgenders, it doesn’t mean that they should be treated any differently.  

For example, a couple months ago I was honored to attend my co-worker’s performance near Bukit Bintang. It was at a gay club and honestly I was super excited. I knew that there were gay people here in Malaysia but they kept their lives so low profile that it seemed nonexistent here.

When I got there, I was so happy! There were so many people without a care in the world and it felt like I wasn’t in Malaysia, it felt like I was back in the States.  I met a few transgenders and honestly they were BEAUTIFUL. I really don’t think girls look as pretty as they do and I even told them that. They told me that I must be joking because I was pulling it off pretty well! That was the greatest compliment ever to me! They  were so friendly and they seemed to be so excited to meet someone that was so accepting of them.

 I talked to them for a little while and I don’t think I have ever felt more comfortable than I did in those 10 minutes. We talked about boy problems, drama, and everything in between (and obviously squeezed in some time to show off our dance moves.) At the end of the night, we got each others’ numbers and we promised to meet up and dance the night away. It was one of the best nights for me here in Kuala Lumpur.

            While the experience that I mentioned above was a positive one, not all experiences have a happy ending. Recently, I was in Bangkok with my family. On the last night, we went to enjoy the night market where things are good and can be bargained for less.  We passed by some clubs  and realized that we were inside the Patpong area -- the red light district. It is just like the red light district in Amsterdam -- lots of clubs, bars, and really sleazy people. It is a place where sex is readily available and prostitution is not even an afterthought.

 All we saw were dark rooms filled with smoke, dancers on the tables, and men staring at the women as if they were crowned jewels. While I was walking by myself, I came across a situation that I didn’t not quite enjoy but I couldn’t seem to take my eyes off .  A male traveler was asking for some company and the women was agreeing. When I walked past I realized that they were arguing, he had one hand holding her arm almost pulling her along and she stopped him. I was not quite sure what they were arguing about, but I heard number values being shouted around and I realized that they were talking about money.

 I moved on because I did not want to be a part of the conversation when all of a sudden I heard, “ BUT YOU ARE A LADYBOY!” When I turned around I saw that everyone else was also staring, clearly startled as to what disturbed their shopping. The woman was clearly embarrassed and she did not even give the man the time of day and walked off without looking at anyone around her.

            Slurs like these erupt often, people are thinking up new words to hurt others’ feelings. You would think that as we progress socially, calling people names should not be a common practice, but in actual fact, nasty words are being transformed into more creative words.

             When I first heard about what PT Foundation in KL does, I was so happy that there are people helping to give positive living to the marginalized.  The communities that they focus on for their Positive Living Program are Drug Users, Sex Workers, Transgender, and Men who have sex with men. The thing that is so special about PT Foundation is the people working in the organization because most of them are those who have been there themselves. They are people that have overcome those societal issues and they are finally happy being themselves. They don’t care about what others think about them.
            When I read about what Nisha and Sulastri’s experiences, it put a smile on my face that they are helping people that are going through what they went through and they are lending a helping hand to people that need them. They are doing for people what they themselves should have received in terms of care and encouragement when they needed someone there. 

 

 

This is the very special Nisha talking about experiences and what drove her to be a part of PT Foundation and to help others. She is an inspiration to the community, not just the transgender community but all that have been mistreated.

 

This is Sulastri Ariffin explaining to us what she does at PT Foundation and the difference between transgender and transsexual. Both, Nisha and Sulastri are inspirations to everyone by showing that as Nisha puts it "we are all human beings" and that there is no reason to be treated differently. 

People who have been through the same situations as people they are helping are better helpers because they know the exact situation and feelings in those critical moments when understanding of the issue at hand is most essential. When I am upset and someone says “I don’t know what to say.” It makes me a bit angry inside because I wish they could help me with the problem that I am going through instead of treating me like a sobbing idiot.

The PT foundation has opened the doors for so many people and hopefully can change more people in Malaysia to embrace a more tolerant views about transgenders. 



love and prosperity,
Anitha Thanabalan 

Closing the "Portraits" Chapter

eHomemakers will be releasing its documentary,"Portraits of Perseverance" (POP). Before we do, here are some teasers for your viewing pleasure. Our interns, Rhonwyn and Josh met up with three of the women in the documentary for a chat.

The production of this documentary allowed the women involved - who are of vastly different backgrounds with each of them facing unique challenges - to interact, to share and to enjoy each other's company in a way that would not have been possible otherwise. 

From the initial doubts, their thoughts about one another, to talking about the "very cool" eHomemakers intern, Morgan Reed - we've got it all here in their interviews!

Nisha of the Pink Triangle Foundation. (Still looking good in the candid screenshot)

Always confident and ready to speak, Nisha Ayub was very excited to be part of the POP documentary. A social worker of a foundation for transgenders, Nisha has seen and done many interesting things. Like the rest of the women, her experience in the world gave great insight and provided a fascinating angle to the documentary.

The scrutinizing eye of a camera may not be everybody's friend. Not only has it been accused of adding weight and highlighting fat spots, some people just do not feel comfortable being on camera, especially when being interviewed. Nisha thought it felt weird talking in front of the camera for the video journals.

Sulastri, who is also working at the Pink Triangle Foundation.

Well, she certainly wasn't alone on that, as her co-worker, Sulastri Ariffin, too had her share of issues with the camera.

Film work aside... Initially doubtful about getting on the POP bandwagon, Sulastri has come to a point where she's glad she chose to participate in POP. Going through the whole process, she now feels the need to tell her tumultous life story to the world, as well as a passion to "contribute to the community out there".

Lucy, giggling in front of the camera, as usual.

Then there's our sweet Lucy Goh (well it seems being camera-shy is a trend here!)  Lucy's candid recall of meeting Nisha: Lucy gave her a top-to-toe scan (which Nisha is used to) before she said, "Hi'.

But once they started talking during the women's meeting at Crowne Plaza, KL, Nisha realized that Lucy "is very very friendly even though she's a very quiet person." Nisha thinks that "Lucy's very intelligent too."

Just like Sulastri, Lucy has gained confidence along the way, as there were do-or-die situations where she just had to speak up! Although she still breaks out in giggles (bloopers!), the woman you see speaking to the camera talks with new-found confidence, as well as with conviction. (Filming her for this video was very fun for the intern team. Lucy kept giggling so the team also giggled, laughed and roared with laughters!)

Now that the finishing touches are being applied on the documentary and things are wrapping up, Nisha, Sulastri and Lucy look forward to moving on from this great life chapter and experience.

And when they do move on - be it to other projects, or to work with women - I believe that no matter how far they get in life, and how many lives they impact, 'Portraits of Perseverance' would always remain close to their hearts. 

by Junmey

Fashion and Sense

Miss Kelantan.
Photo by Colonizing Photography

After my first encounter with the transgender community in
September 2011, I began to be more proud of being 'female'.

They aren't women biologically, but they appreciate women's physical beauty more than I did, so I decided it was time to appreciate what God gave me.

I started to dress up more 'lady-like' than before. My usual
T-shirts and jeans were slowly replaced by blouses and skirts.

I could hear my mom's mind screamed, "Phew, I finally have a daughter!"

She was invited to the 'Miss Transgender Malaysia 2011 -- Fashion and Sense' by Nisha, but no one wanted to go with her, so I got to!

So, for this special "1Malaysia" event, I willingly wore the saree I bought during my trip to India a few years back. I thought I looked decent enough for the occasion, but I couldn't achieve the the glamour look that the transgenders seemed to do with ease at the event.

Their fabulous looks amazed me.  Maybe it was their makeup?  Their special gowns, and beautifully designed dresses?   Whatever it was, they looked absolutely gorgeous. Their clothes were so colorful and flowy on their nice builds, while mine was made with a heavy silk and slightly too long for my short build.

We went a few hours before the event to interview Nisha for a video journal.  She spoke about why transgenders love to look beautiful. 

It is about being who they are -- women, and confident enough to be show their physical beauty.

"It doesn't matter what size and shape we are,
we are all beautiful!" Nisha declared.

The event is a platform to unite transgenders from all over Malaysia and give them a chance to broadcast their talents and skills

The main hall was occupied by the performers rehearsing before the event,  so we had to sit in the lobby.  Looking back, I must have looked so ridiculous. A 17-year old wearing a too-long saree, sitting on the big puffy lobby chair studying the SPM Sejarah book, charging a HD video camera waiting to film Nisha at the event for Portraits of Perseverance... on a school night!

Although SPM was just about a month away, this was an event that I wouldn't miss for the world. It's not everyday that you get invited personally by a member of the transgender community to attend such a glamorous event, even if it meant waking up early at 6 the next day and dragging my lazy butt to school.

Miss Perlis.
Photo by colonizing Photography

The event was free seating, so my mom and I    chose a table near the stage. There were ten of us at our table. Seven transgenders, a Chinese man, and my mom and I.

The transgenders were gossiping among themselves about who and who got a boob job, and talking about what colour eye shadow who was wearing and I heard lots of "Amboooi sayang, cantiiiiiiiiik la engkau pakai baju ni!" (Like OMG babe! You look sooooooooooo gorgeous in that dress!).

The Chinese man sat slumped in his chair with his arms crossed, watching his surroundings. It was hard to tell if he was as interested in the event as my mom and I through his poker face. How did he even get hold of a ticket?

When everyone tucked into dinner, I couldn't help but notice the table manners of the transgenders at our table. Although they considered themselves women, the amount of  food they ate still showed their 'manly' side. They ate big piles of rice and lots of meat, whereas a typical 'lady' would probably not do so to watch her weight. On top of that, they ate a lot of cake from the dessert table.  But they were so slim....must be the metabolism rate.....

 

Miss Wilayah Persekutuan wearing my favorite dress.
Photo by Colonizing Photograpy

"Our next contestant is Miss Wilayah Persekutuan!"  the MC announced. As the contestant emergedfrom backstage, I was in awe.

She was dressed in a royal blue gown with gems embedded on the  back. She looked so proud wearing such a beautiful creation. 

"I would have given up all my dresses to anyone who would let me wear such a gown to prom!!" I thought to myself.

The rest of the contestants were dressed in equally stunning gowns.
                                                      
As Miss Wilayah Persekutuan strutted her poses on stage, I couldn't help but notice her postures. Every move she made was full of grace and elegance.  Time for me, the 'woman-to-be' to learn.......

At the end of the competition, Miss Kelantan won the crown. I wasn't surprised at all. Her poise, her knowledge and her personality were all top notch. Everyone at the event loved her. Who ever would have thought that she was a transgender!

As for me, the event taught me one big lesson --  being a woman is fabulous! (even when your sari doesn't fit you well)

A Matter of Love and Respect

I really like that Portraits of Perseverance shed light on the transgender community (by highlighting the lives of Nisha and Sulastri)  - their struggles and how they persevere through tough times. Their stories echo not just their own plights, but that of the whole community's uphill battle against discrimination.

Their community seeks love and the right to live without persecution.

Just a typical day for Sulastri Ariffin.

A little religious debate sparked on the joke website, 9Gag (Just For Fun - really?) as protests to legalize gay marriage rocked the United States and the media feed recently. A 9Gagger commented something along the lines of, "Christians are such (expletive). Why do (expletive) Christians hate homosexuals? Did Jesus (expletive) say 'Hate homosexuals!'? Christians, get your (expletive) facts right!"

Well, he should get his facts right, as well. (Touche) I can answer that, "Christians do not hate gays." But who can blame people for being so defensive about the whole thing?

As a Christian, I can tell you that there is nothing in my religion that encourages hate towards the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transsexual) community.

It doesn't teach you to hate anyone for that matter. In fact, I strongly believe that any peaceful religion in the world would not propagate hatred for the LGBT. But there will always be people in any religious sect who misunderstand and take these teachings to the extreme.

As a Christian, I am aware that there is a stigma linked to the Christian Church. People tell me straight in the face that Christians are judgemental and rigid. Honestly, some can be this way. But those are the bad eggs. Don't let them ruin the whole batch of fresh ones.

Should the world judge the whole country of France just because Zinedine Zidane headbutted Italy's Marco Materazzi during the football World Cup in 2006? And even if they choose to, they should at least hear both sides of the story. I hope you see my point in comparing these two situations.

Zidane giving Italy's Materazzi a piece of his mind, using his head, and aiming it at Materazzi's tummy.

If a religion disallows homosexuality, certain people of that religion might take it to the next level by not just disallowing, but condemning homosexuality AND homosexuals. LGBT activists counter by holding protests or demonstrations.

Relationships between these two parties become strained. With the world already being torn apart by different political, social, and religious ideologies, I don't think it needs any more assistance.

The world has its share of extremists. And I mean that in an everyday sense.

Accepting a person's lifestyle is one thing. Accepting who they are as humans, is a different thing altogether. Some people may be in support of the LGBT lifestyle, some may not be. That's one case. But what I feel is this -- what really matters is that people accept someone of that community as a person and as a friend.



Nisha Ayub of the Pink Triangle Foundation.

Certain people may not agree with the LGBT lifestlye. Similarly, a transgender may not agree with a Christian lifestyle. Both parties have the rights to their own ideas and principles. Neither can impose their beliefs on the other party.

So what if one person's 'straight', while the other isn't?  Does that mean one is superior to the other?

Not at all. We're human, one and the same. It all boils down to a relationship of respect.

I cannot make a friend eat barbecued meat with me if he's a vegetarian. But would I hate him for it? People have different ways of life, and different ideas about things. It doesn't mean we should shun that person based on his beliefs or lifestyle. 

Should different viewpoints cause persecution? Should that cause hatred?

I don't see why it should!

In the same way a Chelsea fan and a Manchester United fan can watch a game together at the local mamak stall - each staying true to his beloved club without condemning or rejecting the other - I dream that the world will be this way one day.

Transgender or not, we have the same ability to feel, love and value one another as human beings. This world would be a happy place if we could love, value and above all, respect one another.


By Junmey

No Need To Discriminate Me-lah.

I went up to the counter and handed the immigration officer my passport and boarding pass. He checked my boarding pass first, and then he opened my passport. His expression changed. His eyebrows cocked.

"Oh God," I said to myself. "Please don't ask that question....!"

He looked at me, and then my passport. He looked at me again, then my passport. Me. Passport. Me. Passport.

Finally he said, "You Cina ke? Cina apa?? (You're Chinese? What kind of Chinese are you??)"  Another officer came over to look at the passport. Together, they queried me with their solemn facial expression.

I sighed. Yup, that's the question I dreaded to hear. "Saya campur (I'm a mix)," I said.

"Ooooh, mix what?" they would ask.

And then I'd have to tell them, "Dutch, and Chinese."  I was aware of the line behind me, but the immigration guys didn't seem to care.  When they were satisfied with more clarifications from me -- I studied in which local school and I speak Bahasa,  they gave me back my passport and let me through.  I heard the two of them giggling behind my back.

For years I have been facing the same passport problem over and over again. My 'race' is defined as 'Chinese'. There were many times where I had to present my IC ( identification card ) as well as my passport, because they thought my passport was a fake. How many mat salleh ( Bahasa : white person ) in Malaysia have 'Chinese' as their 'race'?

This problem arose when I was twelve years old -- the year to be recognized as a citizen in Malaysia.

I went to get my IC done at the Dept of Registration.  I asked the officer if I could put my 'race' as 'Mix'.

"Tak boleh! (Nope!)" she said firmly.  I only had three choices: Chinese, Indian or Malay. It didn't make sense to me. I'm a mix of two bloods, not a pure breed Chinese! I pleaded again and again to the officer to let me put my 'race' as 'mix'.  

I told her that a friend of mine was half British and half Malay, so he became a 'Malay' but he also wanted to be a 'mix'. I asked, "Why?" 

The more I pleaded for her to reason with me,  the more she was annoyed.

Finally, I asked if I could tick the last box and be a "lain-lain (others)".  And I got a 'no' as well. So in the end, the only choice I had was 'Chinese'.

And so began the "What kind of Chinese are you?" question every time I present my passport at the Malaysian immigration.  Obviously, I don't look like a typical Chinese if I have European blood.

At one point, a Singaporean immigration officer thought I was being kidnapped and smuggled into Singapore by a whole car load of Chinese  -- my uncle and his wife, my grandparents, my mom and my cousin sister.

When I attended the 2011 Fashion and Sense (Miss Transgender Malaysia) competition, the question given to Miss Sarawak was, "Do you think passports should be issued for transgenders?" Her answer was obviously a 'yes', and the crowd went wild as most attendees were from the transgender community.

I sat there and thought about it.

I could imagine what they have to face when they present their passports to the officers. Instead of the immigration officer asking, "Cina apa?" like what get, the immigration officer would probably ask, "Lelaki apa? (What kind of man are you?)"

How are they supposed to answer that????? "Saya campur..... ( I am a mix?????)

How would a transgender feel when she is asked a question like that ( with officers giggling behind her?)  Does she feel 'injustice', anger, slighted?

If I feel 'unfair' being categorized into boxes that don't define who I am but being forced to be who I am not, and I am utterly unhappy, then how about the transgenders? They don't get this treatment just at the immigration offices, they get it at clinics, hospitals, job interviews and everywhere!

How can we be 1Malaysia if we are still categorized like this? If Malays, Chinese, and Indians are 'Malaysians' and they have their own little 'categories' in ID cards and passports, what about those of mixed parentage, especially those who are half European, half African or do not have the typical Malaysian Malay, Chinese and Indian looks?  Does that mean I am only HALF Malaysian?

It is easy to wear a 1Malaysia t-shirt and say 'Satu Malaysia!" and see all sorts of money being poured into campaigns. But just how 1Malaysia are we?

If we claim that we are 1Malaysia, then does any one of us have any right to stop a transgender to be who she is?

Watching Portraits of Perseverance

“Portraits of Perseverance” sheds light on some of the troubles four women face in their daily lives, and how they manage to cope with them. I find it amazing how the women pull through each day and still remain cheerful and committed to their responsibilities.

For Lucy, she juggles the duties of a mother and the added plight of a Lupus patient. Pong had to deal with losing her legs after giving birth over 26 years ago. As for Nisha and Sulastri, they are bombarded with the unique challenges of being transsexuals in a conservative society.

Well, there goes the saying that, "when the going gets tough, the tough gets going."

Once the POP video was completed, the post-production team watched the final draft. I realized that everyday, the women take on these challenges bravely and triumph over them.

Snippets of the documentary featured Pong moving about with difficulty, yet without complaining at all; Sulastri emphasising that "this is who" she is, regardless of what others might think or say about her. These are women of strength.

They are heroines in their own right.  



Ching Ching talking to the interns in the post-production team about the video.


“It’s a very heartwarming video, and it highlights some problems that these women go through. We are lucky enough to not have to face these problems!" Dominique said, when asked about his thoughts concerning the video. “But at the same time, it also highlights problems that all of us as people share. (The video) has a lot of life lessons (that teach us) to appreciate the things we have.”

Young ones like us could learn so much from them.

Joshua’s take on the video pretty much sums up what many of us thought of it, “It’s very touching. It’s a production that can relate to (many aspects of) one’s life.”

The documentary gives the viewer access into the daily lives of the women. 
It takes the viewer to a personal level to understand their stories.

It successfully tells those stories in the rawest and most realistic way possible.

“Considering this is eHomemakers first documentary, I think we did a really good job.” said Rhonwyn, who was part of the “Portraits of Perseverance” production team.



Some of the post-production team members watching the final POP draft.



All in all, the process of making the video has been a roller-coaster ride, just like the many journeys we embark on in life. But through that grinding process, this masterpiece of a documentary was born.

You be the judge of that!

I personally believe that this video delivers a very strong theme - that is, tough times don’t last, but TOUGH PEOPLE DO.  As Joshua said, “The women have times when they are down, and during those times, they look up." 

And I hope that every person who watches "Portraits of Perseverance" will be touched by that message.


by Junmey

Connecting Women through the Art of Quilting

Just last week, Rhonwyn (my fellow intern), Lucy and I took a taxi to Bangsar Village Mall to meet Gill, a quilter who lent a hand to the Portraits of Perseverance project.

Prior to meeting Gill, I read an article on how an American woman used the art of quilting to help a group in Rwanda overcome the grief that a genocide had caused.

Hearing from Gill opened my eyes to how quilting helped four Malaysian women express themselves, just like how it helped the people of Rwanda.

Gill (left) and a staff member in her shop, Quilt Gallery.

Gill's quaint little shop inside the shopping mall had several shelves of quilts, cloth, patchwork, needles of various sizes and other quilting materials. Being an art junkie myself, I couldn't help but admire the many ready-made hand stitched bags, purses and decorative cloth of assorted colours.

A few people sat around the prepared tables in her shop, working at their crafts. In contrast to the rather quiet environment of her shop, Gill is extremely bubbly and lively. As we were ushered into her workplace, Gill's friendly chatter had me feeling comfortable.

Making the quilt!

Under Gill's guidance and with her expertise, the four women of Portraits of Perseverance put together their stories in the form of a beautiful quilt. "That was my deposit in my spiritual bank account." Gill said, explaining her idea of linking and bonding women of different backgrounds and from different places through quilting.

"I like creating, I love colours," but in Gill's opinion, quilting is more than just an artistic outlet. Through quilting, the Sai Baba disciple found that she could find her idea of spiritual fulfillment. "Along the way, I realized it (quilting) is a healing process. I'm connecting to women. It's a healing process. It's also very much an interactive process."

Gill assisted Nisha, Sulastri, Lucy and Pong to understand and express themselves better through the quilting project. Somehow, she felt she was fated to meet the women, and to help out. "There are no coincidences in life."

The quilting project gave the women a chance to express their thoughts and feelings. I believe the women have had to endure their fair share of being judged by people throughout their lives. But when we asked Gill about her thoughts concerning the four ladies, before and after she met them, her reply was simple.

The four women with their works of art.

"When I look at the five women, who am I to judge?" Gill shrugged.

If only more people could think that way and stop judging others. Then maybe the world would be a better place.

To some people, the quilt may just be a beautiful quilt and nothing more. Definitely not for Gill, as she found the stitched butterfly an artistic piece that stood out among others. Quilting one's story is a symbol and expression of freedom, which I believe is ultimately what these women are working to achieve. Freedom from judgment and freedom from hurt.

"We all want freedom. I'm using quilting as a form of expression, putting all moods and thoughts into the making of the quilt."

The few hours we spent listening to Gill's stories and her views on women and religion was a refreshing experience for me. And as we left, I think I gained a little something from Gill, just like how I believe Nisha, Sulastri, Lucy and Pong did.

By Junmey

Teaser of POP

The teaser of POP is out!

 "I feel they have gone through a lot in life and I can't wait to know about their stories".  - A viewer commented on the teaser. 

I have not seen these ladies in person.  All I did is "meet" them through editing their individual videos.  Yet everytime, they never fail to teach me to be strong in life.  "Life can be tough but nothing can bring a tough person down" this is what I feel about these ladies.  Warriors, they are. 

The teaser is simple but it does not fail to portray the determination and courage of these ladies.  It touches your heart and teases you wanting to know more about them.  They have a story to be told and they are ready to share it with the world.   

POP's teaser is out make sure you watch and support it!

By Tracey Choo

Recounting as Empowerment

Nisha recounting her job and work

Siew Lian recounting a day in her normal life

Earlier this week a friend of mine told me about how his Jesuit High School teacher taught him about the power of recounting your day. He told me that three times a day, morning, noon, and night, he was supposed to recount what had happened to him during that succinct amount of time, what he did right, what he did wrong, what could have gone better, etc. etc. He told me this as a bit of advice since I had asked him how he deals with daily pressures and disappointments.

As I watch both Nisha Ayub and Chee Siew Lian explain their daily routines and their thoughts for the day, I am reminded of this practice. What is it about recounting our daily lives or counting our blessings that centers individuals so much? The answer may seem obvious for some, but obvious does not necessarily mean simple. I think that forcing ourselves to sit down and/or stand back and recount our daily lives within our own words, thoughts, and feelings allows us to not only to see what matters the most to ourselves, but also reveal to others our true selves. This is definitely not a simple feat. Today's society is only growing faster, bigger, and more complex making it harder at times to truly recount who we are as individuals.

By viewing Nisha and Siew Lian's videos, I can see who they are apart from their struggles. Lupus may be a part of Siew Lian's life and Nisha may be transsexual, however as I witness both women recount their daily routines, their daily struggles, and their daily work I see two very unique women who have not let their challenges define who they are as human beings. While I may not have Lupus, I can relate to being a victim/addict of multitasking. While I may not be transsexual, I can laugh and relate to Nisha's "fussiness when it comes to cleanliness". Recounting ourselves within the contexts of our daily routines, our likes and dislikes, our family members and loved ones, etc. etc. is not only a form of self-empowerment, it is a form of expression that allows others to see ourselves not only for our strengths and weaknesses or struggles, but also for our innate human qualities.

I believe that this especially important in terms of applying a face to very human struggles such as disease or gender identity bias. Because Siew Lian and Nisha had the courage to express themselves on youtube, they have contributed to a better understanding of individual courage as well as what it takes to be human in the face of extreme obstacles.

I am learning to relax

Justina ( Lucy's best friend who passed away in Jan 2011. Both of them have been models for the Salaam Wanita project for eHomemakers) had a list of places to visit in the world and people she liked to meet - President Obama at the White House in Washington DC, Queen Elizabeth in Buckingham Palace, the mayor of New York, Bario in Borneo Sarawak, California,  London, and the seven wonders of the world. She also dreamt about taking a cruise around the world for a year with Lucy.

"Where to get the money to go-oh?" she laughed about her silliness when she recounted these places to me.

It was her enthusiasm and curiosity for life that made me promised her that I would find her a way. I didn't know how then ( and still don't know how to spread her ashes to those places.....), but I knew one thing -- one step at a time.

Justina and my family were showing intern, Jugo, how to taste durian in this 2010 video. See her lively and carefree persona.

Lucy in Cambodia

With a stroke of luck, this project was able to combine the attendance of a Fair Trade Conference in Cambodia with a filming activity for Lucy's story.  Lucy finally met with other homeworker leaders who barely spoke a word of English and she realized that she was a capable lady!!

The opportunity was really a miracle, it just came!  When I was sitting in the tuk tuk with Lucy, watching Morgan and Rhon cycling behind us towards Angkor Wat, I felt so good that my promise to Justina to visit Angkor Wat and Tonle Sap was fulfilled.  Her ashes were in a plastic tupple wear in my knapsack and I carried it everywhere I went- field trip in a slum, Angkor Wat, museum, Tonle Sap temple and walk arounds!!!

Lucy looking out at Tonle Sap

Lucy spread her ashes at the two places. And Lucy laughed, not feeling sorrowful about her best friend's absence -- this was what Justina had wanted for Lucy all these years! 

 "Laugh and be happy, who cares?" I heard Justina saying this in my ears.

My guilt about my inability to help her get an immediate surgery for the gall bladder stone removal was finally ebbing away.

Lucy preparing Justina's ashes.

A friend told me recently, "Justina went away to a better world because her time here was finished. She went away because she is giving Lucy a chance to grow into the person she had wanted her to be -- a Lupus patient who takes risk to try anything new, be active publicly, has no fear about what people say about her, and has a 'can do' attitude."

"And Justina is also giving you answers to the questions you have about God!" she said pointedly.  

  

I pondered about her wisdom for weeks. Answers to my questions about 'why', 'why the dark hours are so long', 'when am I getting breakthroughs to what I am doing with eHomemakers?' are beginning to form shapes.

Am I not seeing the answers?

So I started to be more conscious about everyone abnd everything's presence in my life.

Think positive, Ching Ching, don't sweat the small things, don't take things too personally, look at the non-toxic people around you, look at all the good things around you.

Look, look, look!!!

Yes, I am LOOKING!!

 Lucy is really a different  person now. She talks and laughs more. I did begin to see her in a different light during the Cambodian trip!  I felt a sense of peace just sitting with her in the tuk tuk despite the scary traffice around us.

 I got to see two young ladies, Morgan and Rhon, being fascinated by the Conference and all things Cambodian.    

Morgan and Rhon at a dressed up as Indian and Chinese for a get-together night at the Conference in Jan 2012

When I look at the picture of both of them, I tell myself, "Hey, you have blessings and you are not treasuring the moments with them. Stop moaning about God's absence. He has sent you all these angels! You have not been alone! When you needed assurance at the beginning of 2012, you got Lucy, Rhon, Morgan to be with you in an unusual place full of history.  You heard laughters. You saw their curiosity about life.  Remember what Jenny Pong said in her video journal at the hospital ( when she has painful infection)?  Always think positive, life is too short."

Yes. YesZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!

Think of the moments, the NOW that you are living in!




Yesterday, I watched this video of me eating crickets in Siem Reap for lunch and I laughed and laughed.  All the worries about finance, eHomemakers's future, and me standing at a cross-road in life just disappeared.

I felt light-hearted.
These are moments to treasure.

This one-year project has given me so many insights about life's ups and downs through all the people involved.  And it has been confirming to me that I have been blessed in many ways, it is just that I don't seem to see the blessings when I am down.  I know I mustn't dwell on negative incidences which are part of life's trials. I must move on like Lucy, Pong, Swee Lian, Sulastri and Nisha.

Life is too short. All of them have said this to me over the last few months when I got to interact with them at a more personal level.

Ok, what else do I have in my life that give me enthusiasm? MY daughter and her friends!

                                           A walk to the Mother Fall in KKB in 2009 with teenagers!

Me and a group of teenagers in October 2011!

So Ching Ching, keep going, keep eating, keep laughing, keep dreaming, keep having life in your heart, and keep hoping!!!

(And keep dreaming that this blog site will continue with several other women of perseverance series. And don't worry even if others think you are a nut, again! )

By Chong Sheau Ching

Hair, Makeup, and the Power of Simple Routines

In American culture, makeup and hair have a special place in the female routine. Yet, how important a makeup and hair routine truly is depends on the woman herself. For myself, a two minute brushing of my hair is simply enough, makeup doesn't really have a place in my life. For others, perfect makeup and the perfect hair are essential, it is a tool of power, a shield from the world, or simply a confidence mechanism. Watching Sulastree talk about hair and makeup though gave a whole new dimension to the essentially female tradition of hair and makeup. As I watch the video of Sulastree explaining her hair plucking I notice two things: 1. How calm and matter of fact she is about this frustrating practice. 2. A quote across the screen: "it is a constant battle between my facial hair and me." Sulastree's soothing, matter of face tone and her depiction of the daily routine seem somewhat paradoxical if not completely at odds with each other.

However, this paradox does not only show bravery and zen like acceptance within an extremely difficult situation, but also the constant paradox and bravery involved in being a transgender woman. To be a woman is difficult enough, to completely change from one gender to the other, from my perspective anyway, is somewhat unimaginable. It is truly amazing to see how something as simple as plucking facial hair can attain such different meanings, connotations, and battles. It is not a rare situation to challenge or question something that is so much a part of ourselves. Something as simple as our hair color or the shape of our eyes can send someone into a spiral of insecurity, self-hatred, and despair.

As a young American teen, I struggled very much with insecurities due to my weight and physical appearance. In my mind I imagined myself as a very attractive and beautiful person; however, when I looked in the mirror, reality would strike and my mind's image would remain within my mind. It took many years for me to come to the realization that I had to take control of my situation and act purposefully to turn into the self I knew was the true me. Those years were filled with physical pain from running cross country and mental battles over eating what I want versus eating what I should. Long after I had lost the weight, and become more physically active, I still found myself unhappy with how I looked, pinching at the lose parts of my midsection, pulling at my thighs, hoping to look more like my mind's image of the physically perfect me. Through physical perseverance and the development of a healthier body image, I was able to love myself and find the confident beautiful person within myself.

Dealing with a physical attribute to feel more at peace with one's self can be difficult to a certain degree. However, Sulastri's changes to her physical appearance symbolize much more than attaining a personal goal. Every time, this courageous woman performs her morning routine, it is a symbol of endurance and success for others who struggle with their gender identity. I can only imagine, that for Sulastree, plucking hair is at the very least a nuisance and at most a frustrating reminder of certain limitations. But her can do attitude and her patient eyes give me faith in her. I am certain that she will win the battle with those hairs and that the hair plucking battle is only one of many that she will face and win.

So here is to hair, makeup, and the power of simple routines, may they bring us comfort as well as challenge our notions of what it means to be human.