Opening Our Minds

 

‘Transgender’ is still considered to be a taboo word here in Malaysia; it is a word that some people here do not even WANT to try to understand. Ideals and beliefs are still very conservative and people want to keep it that way, which makes it very hard for transgenders.

I am a very open person who is accepting of other people’s choices and I do not treat anyone differently because of their decisions.  Raised in the West, I was taught to be more open and understanding of others.  However, this is not necessary true for all places. For example, in the Northeast and the West of the United States including New York and California, they are more open while in states like Alabama, Mississippi, and Texas, people are more reserved about topics like this. Wherever you are in the world, ‘transgender’ seems to be a topic that most people don’t want to discuss and I don’t see why not.

            Every time I tell friends that I have gone out the night before with some friends for dinner and dancing, one always ask me whether I have met any transgender. My answer is, “who cares?”

Yes,  Southeast Asia is known for women who are ridiculously pretty and too perfectly ‘woman’, so many people assume that they are men who have had cosmetic surgeries.  Even if these pretty  ‘women’ are transgenders, it doesn’t mean that they should be treated any differently.  

For example, a couple months ago I was honored to attend my co-worker’s performance near Bukit Bintang. It was at a gay club and honestly I was super excited. I knew that there were gay people here in Malaysia but they kept their lives so low profile that it seemed nonexistent here.

When I got there, I was so happy! There were so many people without a care in the world and it felt like I wasn’t in Malaysia, it felt like I was back in the States.  I met a few transgenders and honestly they were BEAUTIFUL. I really don’t think girls look as pretty as they do and I even told them that. They told me that I must be joking because I was pulling it off pretty well! That was the greatest compliment ever to me! They  were so friendly and they seemed to be so excited to meet someone that was so accepting of them.

 I talked to them for a little while and I don’t think I have ever felt more comfortable than I did in those 10 minutes. We talked about boy problems, drama, and everything in between (and obviously squeezed in some time to show off our dance moves.) At the end of the night, we got each others’ numbers and we promised to meet up and dance the night away. It was one of the best nights for me here in Kuala Lumpur.

            While the experience that I mentioned above was a positive one, not all experiences have a happy ending. Recently, I was in Bangkok with my family. On the last night, we went to enjoy the night market where things are good and can be bargained for less.  We passed by some clubs  and realized that we were inside the Patpong area -- the red light district. It is just like the red light district in Amsterdam -- lots of clubs, bars, and really sleazy people. It is a place where sex is readily available and prostitution is not even an afterthought.

 All we saw were dark rooms filled with smoke, dancers on the tables, and men staring at the women as if they were crowned jewels. While I was walking by myself, I came across a situation that I didn’t not quite enjoy but I couldn’t seem to take my eyes off .  A male traveler was asking for some company and the women was agreeing. When I walked past I realized that they were arguing, he had one hand holding her arm almost pulling her along and she stopped him. I was not quite sure what they were arguing about, but I heard number values being shouted around and I realized that they were talking about money.

 I moved on because I did not want to be a part of the conversation when all of a sudden I heard, “ BUT YOU ARE A LADYBOY!” When I turned around I saw that everyone else was also staring, clearly startled as to what disturbed their shopping. The woman was clearly embarrassed and she did not even give the man the time of day and walked off without looking at anyone around her.

            Slurs like these erupt often, people are thinking up new words to hurt others’ feelings. You would think that as we progress socially, calling people names should not be a common practice, but in actual fact, nasty words are being transformed into more creative words.

             When I first heard about what PT Foundation in KL does, I was so happy that there are people helping to give positive living to the marginalized.  The communities that they focus on for their Positive Living Program are Drug Users, Sex Workers, Transgender, and Men who have sex with men. The thing that is so special about PT Foundation is the people working in the organization because most of them are those who have been there themselves. They are people that have overcome those societal issues and they are finally happy being themselves. They don’t care about what others think about them.
            When I read about what Nisha and Sulastri’s experiences, it put a smile on my face that they are helping people that are going through what they went through and they are lending a helping hand to people that need them. They are doing for people what they themselves should have received in terms of care and encouragement when they needed someone there. 

 

 

This is the very special Nisha talking about experiences and what drove her to be a part of PT Foundation and to help others. She is an inspiration to the community, not just the transgender community but all that have been mistreated.

 

This is Sulastri Ariffin explaining to us what she does at PT Foundation and the difference between transgender and transsexual. Both, Nisha and Sulastri are inspirations to everyone by showing that as Nisha puts it "we are all human beings" and that there is no reason to be treated differently. 

People who have been through the same situations as people they are helping are better helpers because they know the exact situation and feelings in those critical moments when understanding of the issue at hand is most essential. When I am upset and someone says “I don’t know what to say.” It makes me a bit angry inside because I wish they could help me with the problem that I am going through instead of treating me like a sobbing idiot.

The PT foundation has opened the doors for so many people and hopefully can change more people in Malaysia to embrace a more tolerant views about transgenders. 



love and prosperity,
Anitha Thanabalan 

Closing the "Portraits" Chapter

eHomemakers will be releasing its documentary,"Portraits of Perseverance" (POP). Before we do, here are some teasers for your viewing pleasure. Our interns, Rhonwyn and Josh met up with three of the women in the documentary for a chat.

The production of this documentary allowed the women involved - who are of vastly different backgrounds with each of them facing unique challenges - to interact, to share and to enjoy each other's company in a way that would not have been possible otherwise. 

From the initial doubts, their thoughts about one another, to talking about the "very cool" eHomemakers intern, Morgan Reed - we've got it all here in their interviews!

Nisha of the Pink Triangle Foundation. (Still looking good in the candid screenshot)

Always confident and ready to speak, Nisha Ayub was very excited to be part of the POP documentary. A social worker of a foundation for transgenders, Nisha has seen and done many interesting things. Like the rest of the women, her experience in the world gave great insight and provided a fascinating angle to the documentary.

The scrutinizing eye of a camera may not be everybody's friend. Not only has it been accused of adding weight and highlighting fat spots, some people just do not feel comfortable being on camera, especially when being interviewed. Nisha thought it felt weird talking in front of the camera for the video journals.

Sulastri, who is also working at the Pink Triangle Foundation.

Well, she certainly wasn't alone on that, as her co-worker, Sulastri Ariffin, too had her share of issues with the camera.

Film work aside... Initially doubtful about getting on the POP bandwagon, Sulastri has come to a point where she's glad she chose to participate in POP. Going through the whole process, she now feels the need to tell her tumultous life story to the world, as well as a passion to "contribute to the community out there".

Lucy, giggling in front of the camera, as usual.

Then there's our sweet Lucy Goh (well it seems being camera-shy is a trend here!)  Lucy's candid recall of meeting Nisha: Lucy gave her a top-to-toe scan (which Nisha is used to) before she said, "Hi'.

But once they started talking during the women's meeting at Crowne Plaza, KL, Nisha realized that Lucy "is very very friendly even though she's a very quiet person." Nisha thinks that "Lucy's very intelligent too."

Just like Sulastri, Lucy has gained confidence along the way, as there were do-or-die situations where she just had to speak up! Although she still breaks out in giggles (bloopers!), the woman you see speaking to the camera talks with new-found confidence, as well as with conviction. (Filming her for this video was very fun for the intern team. Lucy kept giggling so the team also giggled, laughed and roared with laughters!)

Now that the finishing touches are being applied on the documentary and things are wrapping up, Nisha, Sulastri and Lucy look forward to moving on from this great life chapter and experience.

And when they do move on - be it to other projects, or to work with women - I believe that no matter how far they get in life, and how many lives they impact, 'Portraits of Perseverance' would always remain close to their hearts. 

by Junmey

A Matter of Love and Respect

I really like that Portraits of Perseverance shed light on the transgender community (by highlighting the lives of Nisha and Sulastri)  - their struggles and how they persevere through tough times. Their stories echo not just their own plights, but that of the whole community's uphill battle against discrimination.

Their community seeks love and the right to live without persecution.

Just a typical day for Sulastri Ariffin.

A little religious debate sparked on the joke website, 9Gag (Just For Fun - really?) as protests to legalize gay marriage rocked the United States and the media feed recently. A 9Gagger commented something along the lines of, "Christians are such (expletive). Why do (expletive) Christians hate homosexuals? Did Jesus (expletive) say 'Hate homosexuals!'? Christians, get your (expletive) facts right!"

Well, he should get his facts right, as well. (Touche) I can answer that, "Christians do not hate gays." But who can blame people for being so defensive about the whole thing?

As a Christian, I can tell you that there is nothing in my religion that encourages hate towards the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transsexual) community.

It doesn't teach you to hate anyone for that matter. In fact, I strongly believe that any peaceful religion in the world would not propagate hatred for the LGBT. But there will always be people in any religious sect who misunderstand and take these teachings to the extreme.

As a Christian, I am aware that there is a stigma linked to the Christian Church. People tell me straight in the face that Christians are judgemental and rigid. Honestly, some can be this way. But those are the bad eggs. Don't let them ruin the whole batch of fresh ones.

Should the world judge the whole country of France just because Zinedine Zidane headbutted Italy's Marco Materazzi during the football World Cup in 2006? And even if they choose to, they should at least hear both sides of the story. I hope you see my point in comparing these two situations.

Zidane giving Italy's Materazzi a piece of his mind, using his head, and aiming it at Materazzi's tummy.

If a religion disallows homosexuality, certain people of that religion might take it to the next level by not just disallowing, but condemning homosexuality AND homosexuals. LGBT activists counter by holding protests or demonstrations.

Relationships between these two parties become strained. With the world already being torn apart by different political, social, and religious ideologies, I don't think it needs any more assistance.

The world has its share of extremists. And I mean that in an everyday sense.

Accepting a person's lifestyle is one thing. Accepting who they are as humans, is a different thing altogether. Some people may be in support of the LGBT lifestyle, some may not be. That's one case. But what I feel is this -- what really matters is that people accept someone of that community as a person and as a friend.



Nisha Ayub of the Pink Triangle Foundation.

Certain people may not agree with the LGBT lifestlye. Similarly, a transgender may not agree with a Christian lifestyle. Both parties have the rights to their own ideas and principles. Neither can impose their beliefs on the other party.

So what if one person's 'straight', while the other isn't?  Does that mean one is superior to the other?

Not at all. We're human, one and the same. It all boils down to a relationship of respect.

I cannot make a friend eat barbecued meat with me if he's a vegetarian. But would I hate him for it? People have different ways of life, and different ideas about things. It doesn't mean we should shun that person based on his beliefs or lifestyle. 

Should different viewpoints cause persecution? Should that cause hatred?

I don't see why it should!

In the same way a Chelsea fan and a Manchester United fan can watch a game together at the local mamak stall - each staying true to his beloved club without condemning or rejecting the other - I dream that the world will be this way one day.

Transgender or not, we have the same ability to feel, love and value one another as human beings. This world would be a happy place if we could love, value and above all, respect one another.


By Junmey

Watching Portraits of Perseverance

“Portraits of Perseverance” sheds light on some of the troubles four women face in their daily lives, and how they manage to cope with them. I find it amazing how the women pull through each day and still remain cheerful and committed to their responsibilities.

For Lucy, she juggles the duties of a mother and the added plight of a Lupus patient. Pong had to deal with losing her legs after giving birth over 26 years ago. As for Nisha and Sulastri, they are bombarded with the unique challenges of being transsexuals in a conservative society.

Well, there goes the saying that, "when the going gets tough, the tough gets going."

Once the POP video was completed, the post-production team watched the final draft. I realized that everyday, the women take on these challenges bravely and triumph over them.

Snippets of the documentary featured Pong moving about with difficulty, yet without complaining at all; Sulastri emphasising that "this is who" she is, regardless of what others might think or say about her. These are women of strength.

They are heroines in their own right.  



Ching Ching talking to the interns in the post-production team about the video.


“It’s a very heartwarming video, and it highlights some problems that these women go through. We are lucky enough to not have to face these problems!" Dominique said, when asked about his thoughts concerning the video. “But at the same time, it also highlights problems that all of us as people share. (The video) has a lot of life lessons (that teach us) to appreciate the things we have.”

Young ones like us could learn so much from them.

Joshua’s take on the video pretty much sums up what many of us thought of it, “It’s very touching. It’s a production that can relate to (many aspects of) one’s life.”

The documentary gives the viewer access into the daily lives of the women. 
It takes the viewer to a personal level to understand their stories.

It successfully tells those stories in the rawest and most realistic way possible.

“Considering this is eHomemakers first documentary, I think we did a really good job.” said Rhonwyn, who was part of the “Portraits of Perseverance” production team.



Some of the post-production team members watching the final POP draft.



All in all, the process of making the video has been a roller-coaster ride, just like the many journeys we embark on in life. But through that grinding process, this masterpiece of a documentary was born.

You be the judge of that!

I personally believe that this video delivers a very strong theme - that is, tough times don’t last, but TOUGH PEOPLE DO.  As Joshua said, “The women have times when they are down, and during those times, they look up." 

And I hope that every person who watches "Portraits of Perseverance" will be touched by that message.


by Junmey

Connecting Women through the Art of Quilting

Just last week, Rhonwyn (my fellow intern), Lucy and I took a taxi to Bangsar Village Mall to meet Gill, a quilter who lent a hand to the Portraits of Perseverance project.

Prior to meeting Gill, I read an article on how an American woman used the art of quilting to help a group in Rwanda overcome the grief that a genocide had caused.

Hearing from Gill opened my eyes to how quilting helped four Malaysian women express themselves, just like how it helped the people of Rwanda.

Gill (left) and a staff member in her shop, Quilt Gallery.

Gill's quaint little shop inside the shopping mall had several shelves of quilts, cloth, patchwork, needles of various sizes and other quilting materials. Being an art junkie myself, I couldn't help but admire the many ready-made hand stitched bags, purses and decorative cloth of assorted colours.

A few people sat around the prepared tables in her shop, working at their crafts. In contrast to the rather quiet environment of her shop, Gill is extremely bubbly and lively. As we were ushered into her workplace, Gill's friendly chatter had me feeling comfortable.

Making the quilt!

Under Gill's guidance and with her expertise, the four women of Portraits of Perseverance put together their stories in the form of a beautiful quilt. "That was my deposit in my spiritual bank account." Gill said, explaining her idea of linking and bonding women of different backgrounds and from different places through quilting.

"I like creating, I love colours," but in Gill's opinion, quilting is more than just an artistic outlet. Through quilting, the Sai Baba disciple found that she could find her idea of spiritual fulfillment. "Along the way, I realized it (quilting) is a healing process. I'm connecting to women. It's a healing process. It's also very much an interactive process."

Gill assisted Nisha, Sulastri, Lucy and Pong to understand and express themselves better through the quilting project. Somehow, she felt she was fated to meet the women, and to help out. "There are no coincidences in life."

The quilting project gave the women a chance to express their thoughts and feelings. I believe the women have had to endure their fair share of being judged by people throughout their lives. But when we asked Gill about her thoughts concerning the four ladies, before and after she met them, her reply was simple.

The four women with their works of art.

"When I look at the five women, who am I to judge?" Gill shrugged.

If only more people could think that way and stop judging others. Then maybe the world would be a better place.

To some people, the quilt may just be a beautiful quilt and nothing more. Definitely not for Gill, as she found the stitched butterfly an artistic piece that stood out among others. Quilting one's story is a symbol and expression of freedom, which I believe is ultimately what these women are working to achieve. Freedom from judgment and freedom from hurt.

"We all want freedom. I'm using quilting as a form of expression, putting all moods and thoughts into the making of the quilt."

The few hours we spent listening to Gill's stories and her views on women and religion was a refreshing experience for me. And as we left, I think I gained a little something from Gill, just like how I believe Nisha, Sulastri, Lucy and Pong did.

By Junmey

Teaser of POP

The teaser of POP is out!

 "I feel they have gone through a lot in life and I can't wait to know about their stories".  - A viewer commented on the teaser. 

I have not seen these ladies in person.  All I did is "meet" them through editing their individual videos.  Yet everytime, they never fail to teach me to be strong in life.  "Life can be tough but nothing can bring a tough person down" this is what I feel about these ladies.  Warriors, they are. 

The teaser is simple but it does not fail to portray the determination and courage of these ladies.  It touches your heart and teases you wanting to know more about them.  They have a story to be told and they are ready to share it with the world.   

POP's teaser is out make sure you watch and support it!

By Tracey Choo

I am learning to relax

Justina ( Lucy's best friend who passed away in Jan 2011. Both of them have been models for the Salaam Wanita project for eHomemakers) had a list of places to visit in the world and people she liked to meet - President Obama at the White House in Washington DC, Queen Elizabeth in Buckingham Palace, the mayor of New York, Bario in Borneo Sarawak, California,  London, and the seven wonders of the world. She also dreamt about taking a cruise around the world for a year with Lucy.

"Where to get the money to go-oh?" she laughed about her silliness when she recounted these places to me.

It was her enthusiasm and curiosity for life that made me promised her that I would find her a way. I didn't know how then ( and still don't know how to spread her ashes to those places.....), but I knew one thing -- one step at a time.

Justina and my family were showing intern, Jugo, how to taste durian in this 2010 video. See her lively and carefree persona.

Lucy in Cambodia

With a stroke of luck, this project was able to combine the attendance of a Fair Trade Conference in Cambodia with a filming activity for Lucy's story.  Lucy finally met with other homeworker leaders who barely spoke a word of English and she realized that she was a capable lady!!

The opportunity was really a miracle, it just came!  When I was sitting in the tuk tuk with Lucy, watching Morgan and Rhon cycling behind us towards Angkor Wat, I felt so good that my promise to Justina to visit Angkor Wat and Tonle Sap was fulfilled.  Her ashes were in a plastic tupple wear in my knapsack and I carried it everywhere I went- field trip in a slum, Angkor Wat, museum, Tonle Sap temple and walk arounds!!!

Lucy looking out at Tonle Sap

Lucy spread her ashes at the two places. And Lucy laughed, not feeling sorrowful about her best friend's absence -- this was what Justina had wanted for Lucy all these years! 

 "Laugh and be happy, who cares?" I heard Justina saying this in my ears.

My guilt about my inability to help her get an immediate surgery for the gall bladder stone removal was finally ebbing away.

Lucy preparing Justina's ashes.

A friend told me recently, "Justina went away to a better world because her time here was finished. She went away because she is giving Lucy a chance to grow into the person she had wanted her to be -- a Lupus patient who takes risk to try anything new, be active publicly, has no fear about what people say about her, and has a 'can do' attitude."

"And Justina is also giving you answers to the questions you have about God!" she said pointedly.  

  

I pondered about her wisdom for weeks. Answers to my questions about 'why', 'why the dark hours are so long', 'when am I getting breakthroughs to what I am doing with eHomemakers?' are beginning to form shapes.

Am I not seeing the answers?

So I started to be more conscious about everyone abnd everything's presence in my life.

Think positive, Ching Ching, don't sweat the small things, don't take things too personally, look at the non-toxic people around you, look at all the good things around you.

Look, look, look!!!

Yes, I am LOOKING!!

 Lucy is really a different  person now. She talks and laughs more. I did begin to see her in a different light during the Cambodian trip!  I felt a sense of peace just sitting with her in the tuk tuk despite the scary traffice around us.

 I got to see two young ladies, Morgan and Rhon, being fascinated by the Conference and all things Cambodian.    

Morgan and Rhon at a dressed up as Indian and Chinese for a get-together night at the Conference in Jan 2012

When I look at the picture of both of them, I tell myself, "Hey, you have blessings and you are not treasuring the moments with them. Stop moaning about God's absence. He has sent you all these angels! You have not been alone! When you needed assurance at the beginning of 2012, you got Lucy, Rhon, Morgan to be with you in an unusual place full of history.  You heard laughters. You saw their curiosity about life.  Remember what Jenny Pong said in her video journal at the hospital ( when she has painful infection)?  Always think positive, life is too short."

Yes. YesZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!

Think of the moments, the NOW that you are living in!




Yesterday, I watched this video of me eating crickets in Siem Reap for lunch and I laughed and laughed.  All the worries about finance, eHomemakers's future, and me standing at a cross-road in life just disappeared.

I felt light-hearted.
These are moments to treasure.

This one-year project has given me so many insights about life's ups and downs through all the people involved.  And it has been confirming to me that I have been blessed in many ways, it is just that I don't seem to see the blessings when I am down.  I know I mustn't dwell on negative incidences which are part of life's trials. I must move on like Lucy, Pong, Swee Lian, Sulastri and Nisha.

Life is too short. All of them have said this to me over the last few months when I got to interact with them at a more personal level.

Ok, what else do I have in my life that give me enthusiasm? MY daughter and her friends!

                                           A walk to the Mother Fall in KKB in 2009 with teenagers!

Me and a group of teenagers in October 2011!

So Ching Ching, keep going, keep eating, keep laughing, keep dreaming, keep having life in your heart, and keep hoping!!!

(And keep dreaming that this blog site will continue with several other women of perseverance series. And don't worry even if others think you are a nut, again! )

By Chong Sheau Ching

The rough cut

Aptly named, because at times, it has been rough, but today, I feel a small sense of accomplishment as I finish a rough draft of the documentary.

Jenny at KLCC Petronas Towers

I have been obsessing over the Portraits of Perseverance project for the last three months.  It has been such a fulfilling and challenging experience, getting to know the five women, following them around, filming their lives and then finally going through the footage and trying to do their stories justice in a film format.

Nisha has a great voice!

Nisha, Jenny, Lucy, Sulastri and Ching Ching have such compelling personalities.  My job was fairly easy in that sense.  They jump off the screen when they recall the events that have shaped their lives.  I only hope I have captured that with my interviews and videos.

As I mentioned, it hasn’t been an easy process.  I have nicknamed my poor laptop Bruno.  I felt it was appropriate to name him since I am working him like a dog.  I have loaded hours and hours of footage, along with pictures, video journals, and text into my Vegas Pro software. I then proceeded to spend the last month fiddling around with it like pieces in a puzzle.  Every few minutes Bruno says, “I’m tired” and freezes or un-syncs the audio and video and then I have to turn him off and give him a rest.

Lucy in Cambodia, where she spoke at
a sub-regional workshop.

I am also going a bit stir-crazy staying inside all day, (even though C2 has given me a beautiful space in the eHomemakers office to work.) I woke up one day and February was half over! I asked myself, where did January go? 

When I arrived in KL back in November I felt like I had oodles of time, but this past six weeks has flown by.  As I edge towards the finish line of this momentous journey, I realize this has been so much more than just making a documentary.

Sulastri working on a beautiful quilt.
All of the women contributed.

During my three months in Malaysia I have learned about perseverance, patience, faith and family.  It might be hard for C2 and Rhon to believe, (I still have my angry moments), but I am a kinder, more sensitive and patient person now than when I left Canada.  The women in the Portraits of Perseverance film have been the best teachers I could ask for.  Watching them, and learning from them has changed me, I hope forever.

For the friendships, for the experience and for the adventure, I will be eternally grateful.

Ching Ching stretching before a walk.
She's possibly doing a Morgan immitation...

Stay tuned in the next few weeks for details on the finished product!!!!!  I leave March 10^th so that is my deadline and everyone has to watch when it’s done. You will be amazed by the strength and inspiration of these women.  I know I was...

By: Morgan Reed

Hair, Makeup, and the Power of Simple Routines

In American culture, makeup and hair have a special place in the female routine. Yet, how important a makeup and hair routine truly is depends on the woman herself. For myself, a two minute brushing of my hair is simply enough, makeup doesn't really have a place in my life. For others, perfect makeup and the perfect hair are essential, it is a tool of power, a shield from the world, or simply a confidence mechanism. Watching Sulastree talk about hair and makeup though gave a whole new dimension to the essentially female tradition of hair and makeup. As I watch the video of Sulastree explaining her hair plucking I notice two things: 1. How calm and matter of fact she is about this frustrating practice. 2. A quote across the screen: "it is a constant battle between my facial hair and me." Sulastree's soothing, matter of face tone and her depiction of the daily routine seem somewhat paradoxical if not completely at odds with each other.

However, this paradox does not only show bravery and zen like acceptance within an extremely difficult situation, but also the constant paradox and bravery involved in being a transgender woman. To be a woman is difficult enough, to completely change from one gender to the other, from my perspective anyway, is somewhat unimaginable. It is truly amazing to see how something as simple as plucking facial hair can attain such different meanings, connotations, and battles. It is not a rare situation to challenge or question something that is so much a part of ourselves. Something as simple as our hair color or the shape of our eyes can send someone into a spiral of insecurity, self-hatred, and despair.

As a young American teen, I struggled very much with insecurities due to my weight and physical appearance. In my mind I imagined myself as a very attractive and beautiful person; however, when I looked in the mirror, reality would strike and my mind's image would remain within my mind. It took many years for me to come to the realization that I had to take control of my situation and act purposefully to turn into the self I knew was the true me. Those years were filled with physical pain from running cross country and mental battles over eating what I want versus eating what I should. Long after I had lost the weight, and become more physically active, I still found myself unhappy with how I looked, pinching at the lose parts of my midsection, pulling at my thighs, hoping to look more like my mind's image of the physically perfect me. Through physical perseverance and the development of a healthier body image, I was able to love myself and find the confident beautiful person within myself.

Dealing with a physical attribute to feel more at peace with one's self can be difficult to a certain degree. However, Sulastri's changes to her physical appearance symbolize much more than attaining a personal goal. Every time, this courageous woman performs her morning routine, it is a symbol of endurance and success for others who struggle with their gender identity. I can only imagine, that for Sulastree, plucking hair is at the very least a nuisance and at most a frustrating reminder of certain limitations. But her can do attitude and her patient eyes give me faith in her. I am certain that she will win the battle with those hairs and that the hair plucking battle is only one of many that she will face and win.

So here is to hair, makeup, and the power of simple routines, may they bring us comfort as well as challenge our notions of what it means to be human.

Hooray for Sulastri!

Unfortunately, I have not had the pleasure of meeting Sulastri Arrifin. I can only hope to travel to Malaysia this summer for that honor. Fortunately, thanks to Portraits of Perseverence and Youtube, I have been able to learn at least a little about how dedicated and diverse Sulastri's work truly is.

As someone who has worked with Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender youth in China as an English teacher, it can be a true honor to work with individuals who face so many social obstacles and yet succeed and live life to the fullest in spite of them. It can also be heartbreaking to hear their stories of failure, secrecy, and negativity towards the future.

However, it is really wonderful to see how Sulastri has not only risen from her previous state as a sex worker and is now in touch with and helping others to rise out of the same situation she was once in. In my personal struggle to find a home in Nanjing and rise above my own troubles I find one quote to ring true within me: "Its not important to hold all the good cards in life. But it's important how well you play with the cards you hold". In her mission to play the cards she was dealt the best she could, she has inspired others to do the same. I too hope to be able to play my cards the best way I know how.

The girl next door

Even though she presents herself in quite a refined way, Sulastri Ariffin is really appreciates the simple things in life.  You wouldn’t know it to meet her.  Sulastri dresses very well, often wearing fancy earrings and dressy clothes.  Every detail of her appearance is perfect and she speaks with a confident composure.  Under it all though, she strives for a normal life.

On her off days, when she’s not busy working with the Pink Triangle Foundation, Sulastri spends time in her neighbourhood.  She prefers to go to local food stalls for nasi lemak in the morning, instead of spending her time in expensive restaurants with air con and exotic foods.  On a Sunday, Sulastri spends the morning doing some marketing around the neighbourhood, seeing the errands as a chance to connect with people she knows in the area as well as a chance to make new friends.

As part of the Portraits of Perseverance documentary a lot of the women are working towards a goal.  They have been helping make video journals chronicling their lives over the past year.  Watching the videos I have seen them grow and change.  I feel like I’ve gotten to know them.  Sulastri comes off as a real character.  She is so natural on camera.  Her sense of humour resonates with the viewer. 

You would think that considering her charisma and potential, Sulastri would be working towards a performance of some kind as her goal at the end of the film, but Sulastri has something much simpler in mind.  She wants to go fishing.  I guess it makes sense, taking her down home roots into account.  What better way to cap off a busy year than with a nice relaxing afternoon by the water?  It’s a reminder for me to take time to enjoy life’s simple pleasures.

See more on Sulastri’s work on the website for the PT Foundation: www.ptfmalaysia.org

By:  Morgan Reed

Eating rendang with the transgender community

Nigel ( from the project blogging team) couldn't go to the PT Foundation's Hari Raya open house alone. And since no one else was free to go with him, I was (sadly) the last resort. But I was probably the happiest one to be able to attend the open house. I heard so much about PT Foundation from this project, but I just never been there. Also, I have met Pong, Siew Lian and Lucy but I haven't met Nisha and Sulastri. Attending the open house would also be my first experience with the transgender community.

Now was my chance.

Since neither Nigel or I could drive, we had to rely on public transport. In one train, out one train, in one train, out one train. So by the time we reached the PT Foundation building, we were both hot, sweaty messes.

When we entered the open house my eyes widened.

All the transgenders were dressed so beautifully! Their baju kurung's were beautifully designed and their make up was flawless. I only wear make up on rare occasions, and today would have been a good day to do so.  A little eyeliner on my eyes would have made a difference... if only I knew where and how to apply it. Without my mom's guidance, I'm useless when it comes to make up. And of all days she had to be in Penang. I  smoothed out my plain green baju kurung and tried to fix my sweat drenched hair. I had to look more presentable.

Sulastri greeted us and invited us to eat. I wanted to stay and ramble to her about how I was such a big fan of her video journals. She always spoke with so much confidence and the way she talked made her look very sexy, which is something I think many women find hard to do naturally. But since Sulastri was one of main hosts of the open house, she was very busy so I did not get to tell her.





When I sat down on the mats to tuck into my rendang, I still kept thinking to myself, "If only I had planned my outfit beforehand and Googled how to apply eyeliner, I would't be feeling sorry for myself now..." Despite my hunger, I tried my very best to act as ladylike as I could while eating. But it was difficult for me to do so while eating a piece of rendang, so I gave up and went for the kill. While chewing my first bite I realized all around me were the transgenders who ate their rendang in small bites and they had no traces of rendang sauce on their faces. I gulped down my mouthful and to avoid any further embarrassment on myself, I turned around to face the wall to finish my food.


When we found Nisha, I was bedazzled by how beautiful she was. She donned a black baju kurung and she looked so graceful as she walked. From across the room I could already hear her sweet melodic voice. Her make up was also evenly applied. She knows how to behave more like a woman than me! I took big steps towards Nisha and introduced myself to her while vigorously scratching an annoying itch that suddenly appeared on my lower back.When I noticed what I was doing, I stopped.

After filming Nisha and Sulastri, Nigel and I had to leave. We thanked the two of them for hosting us and made our way down the stairs to start our long journey back home.

As we sat on the train, many thoughts were running through my head. I am born a real girl, and the transgenders aren't, but yet they still manage to show more ladylike etiquette than me! I guess I just take my gender for granted. Growing up a girl, I thought that I didn't need to act anymore girlier since I already was one. But now I realize how far behind I am.

That night as I prepared for a date, I wore my black dress instead of wearing shorts and a blouse like I normally would. To add a little zest, I even put a ribbon in my hair and put on some cherry flavoured lip gloss. I looked in the mirror and nodded. This wasn't a make up occasion, but this was a start to acting more like a lady right?

Now, after 10 years of tolerating growth of white hair begging me to wear ribbons in my hair, my mom is still in shock that I am suddenly wearing them out of the blue.

A special thanks to the transgender community for giving me the drive to act a little more ladylike in my life. My first experience at PT Foundation was certainly a memorable one.


RhonwynH.

October 18

After two days full of upheavals and critical moments of reflections, I calmed down and got buzy at work. Working hard help me to forget about things that bother me. In the midst of email replying and document editing, it dawned on me that I had forgotten to turn to this project for inspiration during those worst moments.

The five women who know me for years will not see me  as 'a failure'! If I were to confide in them about October 16, they would have said,"I've been through much harder times than you. I haven't quit what I am doing, why should you?"

There was Sulastri, jovial and easy going. "My past is gone, I want to be as happy as I can. I don't want to worry about my future. There are so many good things in my life now!"

She sees her blessings rather than the shortcomings.  I know about such advice for the longest time. But I forgot to do a mental sommersault to bounce back to normal when I was so depressed over the harsh words about 'failire'.

I must remember what she said.

Nisha is always smiling even when she was tired
and agitated with uncaring people. After that long journey of coming out as a transgender, facing prejudices and getting support from her mother for who she is, nothing else can beat her down any more.

"I am fighting for issues about the transgender. I am willing to do anything for my community."
This says a lot about her commitment.
I too must learn to hang on to my own social mission, and keep going.

     Then there is Lucy, deligently going about
      working and volunteering. The public transport
      she has to take to do all these activities would
      have cowed many women if not of her
      determination to be self-reliant instead of taking
       hand-outs.

     " I want to live every minute of my life with
        meaning, so I want to be buzy. Of course,
        there are bad times, but I ask God to give me
        strength to keep going."





Swee Lian fractured her spine due to too
much hardwork and lack of rest.  For over
a month, she was suffering from great physical pains, and still she took care of her sister and
elderly mother. Having taken care of my
Down Syndrome brother and my elderly parents,
I know how exhausting it is especially when you have to do it all by yourself. 

And I am not a Lupus patient.

The inner strength she has to cull to
take care of her home even at a time when she herself is at risk, has got to be immesely deep.

Her filial piety to her mother shows the person she is -- caring about others more than herself.
She still went out to buy her mother's favorite foods instead of buying something for herself.

Most of all, she never quits in doing what she has to do, and she has strong faith that God is there for her.



And Pong

I almost cried when I filmed her at KLGH.
Despite leukimia, deaths of beloved family members, urinary tract pains, and financial constraints, she kept smiling and being jovial
during the few days of filming video journal.

She CHOOSES to stay happy instead of
wallowing in sadness over her situation.
She exercises CHOICE!!!!!!!!
I have so much more material assets, formal education and physical freedom than her, but
I haven't been able to CHOOSE happiness
whenever I trip over little bumps.




Now that I have the opportunity to look at myself through the women, I must start to let go of my fear of failure and CHOOSE to not seek approval from every one, but to nurture my own sense of being with the help of people who really care about Me.

At this beautiful spot in FRIM (Forest Research Institute of Malaysia),  by the BIG Rock, several critical realizations about myself were revealed to me by myself. A supportive group of friends and the positive ions in the surrounding helped me made baby steps to clear my mind of fears, guilt, and self-imposed sacrifices.

I haven't had time to go there this year. 

I should try to give myself the time to reflect, refresh, rejoice, relearn and rejuvenate in the beutiful place and thank God that such a place is accessible to me any time I want. 

And I must remember this whenever I feel like a complete failure --

'Some people always throw stones in your path. It depends on you what you make with them. A Wall or a Bridge? Remember you are the architect of your life.'

 By CSC